Tuesday, May 27, 2008

So Blessed

This year, my family and I participated in the March of Dimes' charity event, "Walk For Babies". It was an event that I feel very strongly about as do many of my family members and the women of my mom's group. Most of us have experienced or at least know someone that has experienced miscarriages (including stillborn), premature babies or birth defects (my nephew died from a genetic blood disorder called Thalassemia). If you don't, well, by reading this blog-- you now do.

I currently have two beautiful and healthy children with another baby on the way, but it wasn't always that way. I also never understood the plight that women felt when they miscarried or lost an infant that didn't live for very long. I didn't think that they spent enough time with the child to grow emotionally attached to him or her. Boy, was I ever wrong.

I am not one of those women that get pregnant just by "thinking about sex". It always took a while for me to get pregnant. Between the births of my daughter and my son, I think I had about 3 or 4 miscarriages. The first was the hardest though and it occurred at 12 weeks-- so by then I had seen the heart beat. It was also hard because I let it pass naturally (as opposed to a D & C) and it's kind of a creepy thing (I won't go into detail).

After that, I think I kind of lived in a daze and didn't really enjoy my time with the Princess. We kept on trying to get pregnant for a year and failed miserably. I thought that was it-- I was only 30 and couldn't have another baby. To help get myself out of the wallows of self pity, I began to look for a job. Soon after I was given a job offer, I learned that I was pregnant. I accepted the job because I wasn't sure I would be able to carry the baby to term and I really wanted to go back to work.

Well, Jr. Peanut was born the next year and I feel like he was what really saved me. I finally enjoy being at home with my kids (even though it's sometimes a little isolating). I have a lot of mommy guilt (a whole other post on that)about what my going to work did to the Princess after being at home with her for more than a year, but over all, I feel blessed. I am thankful that my friends and family helped me raise money to go toward the health of future babies so that others don't have to experience the tragedy and heartbreak that my family did.

Enjoy your life my readers and be grateful for all that you have. Also, if you're trying to have a first OR second baby, know that there ARE happy endings--it may take a while and there may be some disappointments along the way.