I'm In Trouble Now

You know you're in trouble when...

• Your toddler starts understanding you even though you're s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g it out.
• You start getting called out on the lies you tell (like telling her there are no more chips even though they're sitting in the pantry)
• Your infant boy is already flirting with women by reaching out and grabbing them (yes, he's reached out and grabbed another woman's boob)
• Your infant boy discovers his penis and thinks its a new toy
• Your Princess starts talking about her wedding at the tender age of 3
• You fart and your toddler (that just discovered she can smell things) rats you out buy saying "I smell something. I smell your stinky bottom".
• Ball sack is the number one google search term that brings people to your blog.
• Both your mother and your sister accidentally call your niece by YOUR name whenever they're mad or reprimanding her.
• Your SIL's daughter touches her butt while she's pooping and smiles when you ask her..."did you just touch your poo poo bottom?"
• Your 3 year old daughter starts trying to french kiss everyone--even though she doesn't know what a french kiss is.

Super Silly Search Sunday 5/27/07

It's Sunday again. Time for another silly search. Today I searched for...

"I got addicted and now I'm in blogger rehab."

I wanted to see how many people out there are as addicted as I am. There's a decent amount. The search also brought up search results for druggies in addition to bloggies--so I skipped over those drug addicts and tried to find the blog addicts. Like Blue Girl in a Red State, the first thing I do when I get home (especially after a long weekend) is turn on the computer, check my email, and read my blogs. I may have to attend bloggers anonymous with her. There's a whole forum here for blog addicts. It seems like a forum version of mybloglog. I decided to join it. I had never heard of it before. I'll let you know how I like it.

Daniel Solove, wrote a post called A Day In the Life of Blogging. Here's an excerpt:

Wake up

Check email

Check blog – see if co-bloggers have posted anything and read comments to posts

Check site meter stats – see how many people visited and who’s linking to the blog

Check Technorati – see who’s linking to the blog

Check out blogs linking to the blog

Check The Truth Laid Bear – see the latest ranking of the blog

Check other blogs for ideas for blog posts

Check news sites for ideas for blog posts

Write blog post

Check email

Check blog

Check site meter

Lunch

Ha!! Mr. Solove is soooo candid and soooo RIGHT.

I also found this blog which had an article about what exactly is inside a twinkie. As a kid, I used to eat twinkies like a maniac. Hmm. Glad I don't eat them anymore. The same blogger also talks about how strict China is on people who are addicted to the internet. Good thing, I'm not living in China. Instead, I live here in my house where my husband tells me that I blog too much. Which reminds me...people always wonder how I have so much time on my hands. Let me just say that other people have just as much time on their hands...they just spend it doing other things like sleeping, watching TV, searching the internet for other things (man-- I've caught sooo many people doing non-work stuff at work)...so don't tell my I have too much time on my hands-- because they have too much time on their hands too!!!

I'm tired now from my mini rant. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to fuel my blogging addiction.

I Have a Secret

Remember how I said that every time you push out a baby out of that itty bitty hole (at least hopefully it's itty bitty), you push out a little piece of your brain (#96)? Well, I'm beginning to think that the toll it's taken on my intelligence is starting to really show.

Which brings me to my secret...sometimes I read blogs and I don't get what they're trying to say. My only thought is--huh? Did I miss something? Then I read it all over again...and still nothing. Where the heck is my brain? And why did my kids hide it from me? Maybe my brain loss metamorphosed into that extra poundage located in my tummy and thighs.

You know, I just had a thought that I was going to include in this post and I've forgotten what it was. Alas, further evidence of the steady decline.

P.S. You know what would really help me? Is if people allowed their subscribers to view their entire post rather than just the teaser. If I comment on the post-- I go to your blog site anyway. BTW sometimes, if I can't see the whole blog in my reader...I just don't read it (unless I consider you one of my blogging friends and we talk via comments left on our respective blog sites)

5 Blogs I Read...And Never Linked To

I got tagged by the ever so hilarious Oh, The Joys. I never knew that all of the crap that we, as parents, go through could be so funny. Because it sure isn't when you're actually going through it (hindsight is 20/20)...Anyway, go check her ( Oh, The Joys) out.

Oh, The Joys tagged me with a meme to list 5 blogs that I read and have never linked to. By pure laziness luck, I've started reading more blogs and commenting on them but haven't yet put them on my blogroll. So here they are...

1. Because I Must Blog A funny mommy blog by a woman with bi-racial twins...and she works (for pay...unlike me). She blogs about rude people,vaccinations, and her feet.
2. Chesca, the exskindiver. She's one of my peeps (i.e. she's filipino), a Wammer (a wife and mother -- another reason why she's one of my peeps), and an intelligent read (her blog, that is).
3. Kate, the Walking Kateastrophe. She is friends with Brillig-- that's how I found her. She blogs about the things going on in her life, including her kateastrophes. She is also sometimes...Shakira-esque.
4. Sugar Kane, who currently is MIA, but normally is single mom, a supervisor that plays funny jokes on unsuspecting newbies, and she's got a lot of spunk.
5. Janet, the wonder mom that dances too. She's got the dog from h-e-double el, has a miraculously organized purse, she's funny and she gives good advice..."Don't give up, be consistent".

Anyhoo, that's it. Please read them. They're good blogs, in fact, they are in my Google Reader Feeds. And by the way,

I also tag them for the meme.

Super Silly Search Sunday 5/20/2007

Dear heavenly readers, it's been two weeks since my last Silly Search posting. Forgive me readers, for I have sinned! I didn't do the search last weekend because of the Holiday and today, I almost forgot about it!

Before I tell you what I searched for this week, let me tell you what strange google searches brought people to my crazy wonderful blog. Yesterday, "ball sack stretching photos" brought a new reader to my blog. Thanks google! I'm now probably the number one hit for ball sacks. And just to up my relavance in those searches, I'm just going to scream BALL SACK, BALL SACK, BALL SACK!! Another search phrase used was "From My Uterus"-- which makes sense because of The Mixers post. Someone also technorati'd "Saggy Boobs". My favorite though, was the google search term..."bookworm hotties". I popped up!! So, yes, kind readers-- I'm a bookworm hottie because Google says so.

Now, time for what you've all been waiting for... drum roll. Today's Super Silly Search Phrase...

I've Got My Finger Stuck Up My Nose

This search phrase kind of reminds me of Karly's old blog layout. Or at least, that was my visual, after I came up with the search. Anyway, the number one hit (out of 1.8 million results)was a poem by Brian Patten called The Day I Got My Finger Stuck Up My Nose (the link is the cached version because the actual site brings up too many pop up windows). The funniest site that the search brought me to is I Used to Believe's website. The site contains a section on what adults believed would happen if as children, they picked their nose. The funniest one posted was:

When i was young, my parents told me that boogers were part of your brain, so to stop me from picking my nose. Logically, i thought that if i ate them, they would just go back into my brain, and no harm done. needless to say, i never wanted to blow my nose, because then that part of my brain would be lost forever!

It's amazing how many lies parents tell. At any rate, here are some of the blogs that showed up:

• Confessions of a Hypochondriac has a funny blog entry about why one of her nostrils is bigger than the other.
• The Common Wombat wrote about how he vomits incorrectly and it vomit gets lodged in his sinuses.
• This guy went to the doctor and had a "spatula stuck up his nose". But the reason I'm listing it is because he got "dooced". I think he's talking about the web designer that created the blog called Dooce. I learn something new every time I do these searches. Word to the wise: don't blog about work.
• Ali admits that her ten year old picks her nose due to genetics...
• A hilarious exchange between a mother's two kids.

That's all I can find dear readers... until next time.

Ticket Systems and Home Based Businesses

The other day, I went into Staples to buy some tickets. I had read an article on Parent Hacks about using a ticket system to monitor your child's TV consumption. I modified it to be reward system similar to what In The Trenches of Mommyhood commented in my advice solicitation post. Except that instead of using a chart, I'm using a ticket system that rewards her for doing her "chores" and allows her to redeem the tickets for TV time, a toy, Disneyland, etc... each reward requires a certain amount of tickets (kind of like at Chuck E. Cheese's-- so that she understands the concept).

It's working out pretty well for me. She L-O-V-E-S being able to collect the tickets. It's teaching her quite a few things:

• how to save
• what chores are
• how to count her tickets
• that tickets are priveleges that can be taken away...
• It also reduces the amount of times during the day that she asks if she can watch cartoons.

Things have definitely improved. I'll let you know how it goes.

-----------------------------------------------------

While I was at Staples, I picked up a magazine called "Get Rich At Home" . The cover story was "Home Based 100 - 100 Surefire Money-Makers to Run From Home". I thought quite a few of you would be interested in the article. Especially if your a SAHM or a Part Timer or maybe even a mom that would like to make extra money. I'm not going to list all 100 (you'll have to pick up the magazine for that) but I thought I'd point out some of the ones that I thought were pretty good:

• Special Events Videos/DVDs - get paid to make videos of special gatherings.
• Calligraphy Service/Special Invitation Marketing - get paid to address invitations
• Parties for Kids - This would be awesome for a lot of you party planning moms
• Keepsake Albums - Perfect for the scrapbooker (you can charge per page)
• Howdy Neighbor Service - Get paid by merchants to include them in your get to know the neighborhood package
• Computer Tutor
• Kidproof Homes
• 900 # Entreprenuer (this would be kind of funny)
• Child Care Center (I've thought about doing this before)

Well, the list goes on, but those were my favorite.

Double the Memes Double the Fun

I got tagged for a couple of Meme's. The first one is from Shauna at Pass The Chocolate. The rules are simple, give five reasons why you love blogging (not hard at all) and tag five other bloggers. No tag backs either but be sure to let them know who tagged you. I'm going to be lazy however and say that I'm tagging anyone that has not yet done EITHER meme:

5 Reasons Why I Blog:

1. It's good to know that there are other people going through the same torture thing situations that I am. (You guys also give some decent advice)
2. It's like selectable instant messaging (and at my own reading pace).
3. It's better than reading chick lit (and shorter)
4. It allows me to vent.
5. I've met lots of cool people.

So mosey on and complete that meme-- don't forget to give me some linky love.

I was also tagged by Christy at Christy's Coffee Break for an In The Spotlight Meme. Please check her site for the rules .

I've chosen to do all the questions:

When did you start blogging?December 2006

Is this your first meme?No

What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?Nothing really. Maybe entertain some people and let my family/friends know what's going on (or not going on)in my life.

What are your feelings on the "blog popularity" issue?I'm not sure what the issue is. I'd love to be popular though. I've always been a nerd.

What's your favorite childhood memory?My birthdays.

What makes your blog unique?Moi. I think the title is pretty unique. There are Confessions of a Bookworm but no "former" bookworm.

If you were stranded on a deserted island what three things would you want to have with you?My family, unlimited supply of food, a Wal Mart or Target

Are you a spiritual person?Not as much as I used to be.

Do your moral values affect the way that you blog, and if yes, how?Um, no. I don't think I really blog about anything that involves moral issues.

What is the weirdest thing that ever happened to you?At one point, I was having dreams about friends/family getting pregnant. I was right about every single one for the first 2 years.

What is your best quality?I learn things pretty quickly (except when it comes to gambling games)

What is your worst quality?I have a short temper.

So mosey on and complete this meme too-- don't forget to give me some linky love.

Missed You Guys

Hi all! Sorry for the hiatus. I took it off for the obvious holiday on Sunday...so no Super Silly Search Sunday on Mother's Day. Hope everyone had a good one. I'll do a real post later but I just want to check in. Now, if you excuse me, I have over a hundred posts awaiting my reading eyes in my Google reader.

The Mixers

As a mother of two racially diverse children, I was quite fascinated with this article by Peggy Orenstein from Parenting.com. The author of the article is a Caucasian woman that is the mother of a child that is racially half Japanese and half Caucasian (i.e. her husband is a Japanese American and she's blonde and blue eyed). Her daughter looks more Asian than Caucasian and this is an excerpt of what happened:

... while I was jogging in place in the galley trying to lull Daisy into a nap (and, as a side effect, working off the pregnancy weight), another passenger noticed us. "What a beautiful baby," she cooed and, before I could even smile in acknowledgment, added, "Where did you get her?"

This woman was a complete stranger!! I can only imagine the horror. If my kids looked completely like The Breadwinner, I'm sure someone would probably mistake me as the nanny (this actually happened to a friend of mine). Luckily mine do look like they are part Asian. But I wonder what people would say if I was the Caucasion and The Breadwinner was Asian. Anyway, the best is her new comeback for people that ask her where she got her daughter from:

From my uterus. I loved it. It was insouciant, surprising, and it stopped further conversation in its tracks. Best of all, it works. Every time. Where did you get her? From my uterus. Is she from China or Korea? From my uterus.

HA! Take that--ignorant strangers!

I've always wanted mestizo children-- because I think they're beautiful. But after reading the article, I kind of wonder if growing up Hapa (half asian/half white) will make things difficult for my kids in the future. Eh, who am I kidding, my kids are going to grow up to be Hotties and EVERYONE loves a hottie. (Can you tell I'm a proud parent?)

Anyway, It's an interesting article and voices what it's like to be asked questions about your racial ethnicity. This happens to me a lot. Sometimes I get annoyed at the ignorance (i.e. where am I from-- even though I don't have an accent or they'll ask me where my parents are from-- which BTW is from the Philippines but for all they know I could be 5th generation American) but most of the time, I just tell them that I'm Filipino because most people don't mean any harm by it.

BTW, Thanks everyone for the good advice. I may try the charting and making a list...if I can get off my slacker mommy ass.

Help! We've Fallen [into a Rut] And We Can't Get Up

Remember when I blogged about how The Princess didn't wan't to go to school? Well, for the entire month of April, I had her home with me because she complained about it so much. Like I said, why spend $600 a month if she hates it.

Well, I found another preschool that I REALLY loved. The teachers were nice, she actually was learning something (unlike the other school), her clothes come back clean, each piece of artwork she brings home is labeled with a description(from The Princess) of what The Princess drew/made... you get the picture, I love it. I love it so much, I wish I was a kid again and that I could go there. Well, she loved it the first three times she went there. This morning she woke up..."I don't wanna go to school" even though she doesn't have school today. WTF?? It was a great transition, the kids were really sweet (even the boys), she took to her Australian teacher a lot. I just don't get it. And of course, the kicker was that she says this the day after I paid for her registration for the fall. Yeah. Thanks Princess.

Plus, I think we're spoiling her. This morning she asked The Breadwinner if he was going to work and of course he said yes. So she says:

"Oh yeah. Daddy goes to work so he can pay lots of bills and buy me lots of presents."

She's also been telling us that we're not nice when we don't buy her things. Also, the bribes and threats (aka rewards and punishment) aren't working. Does anyone have advice for me? Is there another way to parent other than offering bribes and threats? We have lots and lots of trouble with sleep (and yes, we do have a routine), sharing toys (this makes play group at my house very trying and now that her her brother wants to play-- she's constantly taking away toys from him), school, getting her out the door, basically-- you name it, The Princess has problems with with it.

So it's official, I'm throwing it out there...please advise me...before all my hair turns gray.

Super Silly Search Sunday - "Britney Spears Farted in Kevin Federline's Face"

It's Sunday again! And...as you can see from the title, I searched for a "singer" and her husband. I put singer in quotes because there has been talk lately that she is a huge lip syncher. The results from my search yielded only 36,700 hits. I'm guessing it's because my search was so specific. I'm secretly hoping that this post generates some sort of link between Britney, Kevin and Farts in the Google Search Engine (I'm not sure how it works but if I search for it, say 50 times, doesn't it create some kind of correlation???).

Britney Spears Farted in Kevin Federline's Face

You know, I kinda feel sorry for Britney Spears. Most of the sites that came up had derogatory remarks about her. It must be hard having people scrutinize your every move. But sometimes she just makes some bad decisions ya know? Like marrying Kevin, chewing gum during that interview with Matt Lauer, shaving her head, hanging out with skanky Paris...the list goes on. Including these pictures. She's holding a box that says flash... how appropriate considering her boobs are about to burst out of her dress. She doesn't look very motherly, in fact, she looks a little trashy. I think she could have picked a dress that actualy fit her engorged boobs. Aside from the trashiness, she looked great in the pictures and I wish I looked like that when I was pregnant with my second child. I think fart popped up in that above post because one reader had commented that he farted on some other commentor that was defending Britney.

Another site that came up was a whole page on about.com devoted to spoofs, parodies, and jokes of Britney. Including Ask the Buddha Britney, some funny cartoons about her, a game (the object of the game is to stop the Britney Spears and Kevin Federline sex tape from reaching the public), a cartoon video of "oops I farted again" and bald "Britney" pictures.This is one that they posted from Kristin P. (Check out the others. They're pretty funny!):

There really weren't very many results that made sense. In this review of Chaotic, the writer describes a scene in the show where Britney farts in her bodyguard's face... "she farted in her bodyguard's face, picked her nose, and passed out in her own vomit, mumbling something about the burdens of fame and god-given talent." . This site posted about Britney's divorce and someone else posted that he just farted and wrote "I think my fart is bigger news than Britney getting a divorce. "

That's it folks. Everything else was kinda lame.

What if I Had Seen the Future?

I met my SIL (sister in-law) in the dorms of USC. We became good friends and pledged the same sorority the following year. Who knew that we would go from being roommates...

to Sorority Sisters (this was a 70s party during the 90s-- so don't think I was old enough to be in college during the 70s)...

to sisters in-law...

to mommies-- each of us with two children the same exact age (only a couple months apart)...

I think that if I had known the future, I probably wouldn't have wasted my time getting my heart broken in college (twice--unless you count the gay ex-boyfriend heartbreak then it would be 3 times, oh and once more after college) and dated The Breadwinner instead. And then maybe I would have lost my virginity to The Breadwinner instead of the asshole dick jerk guy that I did lose it to. But then I think that if I hadn't dated the guys that broke my heart, then I wouldn't have known how good I truly have it. Because you know what? The Breadwinner truly is all that and a bag of chips (and so are my kids).

Have a good weekend everyone!

A Comment About Comments

I've been laughing lately due to some comments I've gotten from people:

Ms. Jenny is new to my blog but has been giving me laughing fits. I suspect that she is also the Jenny that blogs at mama drama. Yes, one of the blogs I linked to in my last silly search post. And ohmigod, she's hilarious! Her X'mas toy (emphasis on the X)post, her extra special date night and her blogging rant had me rolling on the floor. Not to mention the fact that her boobs are like...tied in a knot right now and her cats are following her around due to some faulty advice I gave her...Ooops! Sorry. Thanks for the laughs. I just subscribed to your posts.

I used to live in Houston and your funny blog almost makes me wish I still lived there because there are funny people like you guys. Eh, but almost isn't good enough. I don't miss the humidity (someone once told me that Houston is the armpit of Texas), the cockroaches the size of a small dog, and the pot holes on Richmond. However, I do miss my friend H, the Tex Mex Food and not having to pay state taxes.

------------------------------------------------

Another comment that had me laughing was Goldy's comment about his nephew. Perhaps these days, role playing has taken on a completely different direction from when I was a kid. I always played restaurant or house...never prostitute (at least not until Pretty Woman came out).

------------------------------------------------

Umm and Wonder Mom ... "Figures. I pop up when crap is mentioned. Great!". Poop is better than "Cure for Saggy Ball Sacks" or "Deaux Porn Star"... I mean really, what kind of traffic do you think I'm bringing in to my blog?!?!

------------------------------------------------

Speaking of searches, Butrfly's comment on my Admit Post has me very worried for her. Why is someone searching for "Gay boy taking sh*t on leaves". And why are they being brought to Butrfly's Blog? Unfortunately, that person may find my blog now. But if he/she is reading this, I'd like for him/her to know that that was a very um, specific search. Could it be you that spread some feces love on the leaves? And now, you're searching to see if someone witnessed your backside taking a s*it folly.

Thanks everyone (not just those I mentioned above) for commenting on my blog. You guys ROCK. BTW what happened to my IRL (In Real Life) friends. Why aren't you commenting anymore???